Freeconomy Blog
Sat
09 Jan
The Honesty Experiment
| 56 comments |
I love experimenting with life, I think it's a fantastic adventure to be explored to it's fullest, and I want to see how things could be, both personally and socially, if we changed certain aspects of it in all sorts of ways. For example, we all pay lip-service to honesty, and we often suggest that we see it as one of the main characteristics we really admire in others.
But are any of us truly honest? I mean, really honest? When we are asked questions do we really give a 100% honest answer to the question asked? Or do we tailor it depending on how much truth we think that person can handle, or what we think is culturally acceptable? Do we tint it with our own fear, shame, ego, arrogance or pride?
And do we always ask the questions we want the answers for, or are we afraid to ask? Or are we worried about how the question will reflect on us? Or, worse still, do we try to manipulate people and try to get the answers out of them by, perhaps, less honest methods?
I am really interested to know what would happen to society if every time we wanted a question answered we asked it directly (yet non-violently) and honestly of the person to whom we wanted the answer from, AND what would happen if that person then answered the question 100% truthfully, to the best of their knowledge.
Would the world be a more emphatic, loving, non-violent, respectful, caring and understanding place to be in long term, where we all grew from a greater consciousness about ourselves and each other and how we all feel, through honest questions and answers and the inevitable trust that would stem from that? Or would we be all wounded, damaged egos who despised each other because we often had to hear things that wasn't too comfortable for us?
And just to play devil's advocate a bit more - by holding back information that we may think is 'too much' for others, are we being a beautiful shade of arrogant, by underestimating the other person's ability to deal with what we have to say, and therefore not affording them the chance to grow and develop from our honest feedback, however flawed? Or are we being sensitive to them and not upsetting them unnecessarily, especially if they are vulnerable at that moment. Or is it a mixture of both?
So to test out this whole debate, for the next seven days you can ask me any question you want, as a comment to this blog (see box below) and I have to answer it, 100% truthfully.
You are probably about to ask "Are you not being truthful the rest of the time then?!"; I am being the normal standard of truthful, I am just not giving you permission to ask me any question you want on this blog. I suppose this is as much about the transparency element of truth as it is about the factual part of truth. If I asked you "Have you ever hit someone?" and you stayed silent (because you had), you wouldn't be being dishonest as you weren't saying 'no', but you wouldn't be transparent either, and therefore possibly not fully honest?
I challenge you to do the same in your own world, whether it be a day of truth with friends, or even a silly facebook update to that effect. And just see what happens!
Will your opinion of me change by next week? Will the questions be more reflective of you than me? Will there be instances when I just can't be transparent and honest, and if so what will my excuses for it be?
Mum and dad, please stop reading now.
THE FREECONOMY COMMUNITY is written by Mark Boyle, the founder of The Freeconomy Community, who has just completed a year without money and has decided to continue.
Comment on this Post:
john Charles comments ...
what is being honest ?
what is truth ? perceived or actual
Don Ferris comments ...
Hi Mark! This really isn't connected with your blog, I just thought you might find it interesting. It came to me via the daily item I receive from the DailyGood website. Go to http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=3934. With best wishes for the success of your book; we hope it makes the best-sellers lists!
recyclable comments ...
hi mark, i really like what youve written :-) its really something beautiful that you brought up. by any chance, have you read the "conversations with god" trilogy by neale donald walsch? i read it about a year ago, and many times, when i read what youve blogged here, it reminds me of the books :-) youve got a sense of humor too ;-)
take care
recyclable comments ...
hey don, thats a beautiful link youve provided..thanks so much. wow, its so inspiring, its like everything seems to be coming together, its so hopeful that so many people now think on these lines :-) hope its ok that i've posted in succession.
Ytrish comments ...
Good questions for community ....
For the moment, all I can think of is :
OK, what do you consider your greatest weakness and your greatest strength ?
Hope you're keeping warm !
Mark Boyle comments ...
@ John Charles - I think you have a great point, being honest is really you communication your perception of the truth given the information you hold at any given moment. It can be actual also though (i.e. 'It was me who put the book there'). Great point though.
@ Don Ferris - yeah I've written a blog or two about Heidemarie, and Daniel Suelo also, his blog is at http://zerocurrency.blogspot.com/ . Two fantastically inspirational people.
@ thanks, and I'll check that out. You can post as much as you want!
@ Ytrish: That's a great but bit of a difficult question for me to have to answer to others and not just myself. Both of those are a matter of my perception, and it may be better to ask other people that question. But I've said I'll give an honest answer and so here goes -
What do I consider my greatest weakness? I think I have too many to mention one, being really honest. My biggest, though, if I have to pick one - is not always being in the present moment. The last year has been really crazy and I've usually got a load of different things on the go at the same time, which means that when I am with people I am not really with them sometimes, I am thinking about what I need to get done. Not only is that a weakness, it's also the bit of me I dislike most at the moment, as it contradicts all I believe in. I am planning on working really hard on that from next week onwards. Too busy this week to work on it. See, told you.
What do I consider my greatest strength? I believe your strengths are often your weaknesses, just in different scenarios. So I think one of my biggest strengths is by ability to get through lots of work (which, from another perspective, has made me be not such a good friend over the last year), and the fact I am comfortable doing 'city' and 'countryside' type work.
I find the latter one most difficult to answer though, for some reason, not sure, I wasn't feeling very comfortable writing it, but I suppose being honest isn't always about being comfortable.
Thanks Trish.
Ytrish comments ...
Thanks Mark , that's a lovely reply.
(Of course )I asked myself the same questions and it is hard to answer those about oneself but I thought interesting for that reason , because we don't often ask !
I wasn't able to answer the one about strength in myself and I imagine lots of people are the same. And yes, I see that what is a strength in one situation is its opposite in another and so on.
You're doing an amazing job there and all friends know that !
:-)
Ytrish comments ...
Following recyclable's example of posting 2 in succession .....
It seems and has often seemed to me that being true to ones inner most self is the best truth !
comments ...
I think this experiment is brilliant! I'll try to start it off with a bang.
Have you ever done any psychedelics? Whatever the answer, please elaborate beyond "yes" or "no" :).
Beccy comments ...
I may have missed this from the other blogs so apologies for any repetition.
Are you being paid to write your book?
Will the book be free or do we have to pay money in order to learn how to live without it?
Dino Rubio comments ...
i saw a news about your project. don't stop, keep on! =) society is going towards a very bad direction...
i believe in your project.. don't stop.
i wish you courage and luck :),
Dino Rubio - Portugal
Jason Olshefsky comments ...
I think most people are generally truthful. Conflict arises with loaded questions. As such, let me ask a perfect example: "Do you think abortion is a right?"
The trouble is, the question is deceptive in implying a yes/no answer. The truth of the matter is, "it's complicated", but to some people, that would not be telling the truth -- i.e. "I asked a direct question: 'yes' or 'no'?" What is meant by each element? What is meant by "a right"? And for whom?
Good luck. :-)
Penny (in Vancouver) comments ...
Thoughtful posting, as ever Mark.
My question for you is, do you ever intend to have children (of your own)?
This is something I struggled with after reading Erlich's 'Population Bomb' in the 70s, and eventually opted to foster rather than breed. Population pressure has always the elephant in the room, even given the premise that you don't need to bring up your kids as cosmumers. It would be hard to reduce the consumption of any child of the N hemisphere to the one-sixteenth of resources that their southern hemisphere peers consume.
What's your take on this?
Penny (again) comments ...
I disagree with you Jason. I don't think most people are truthful.
They know that every trip they take in a car/plane is using up a fast dwindling resource that could be used to make medicine for future generations. They know that the extraction of that resource for their motoring/holiday convenience means loss of clean drinking water, toxic soil and civil unrest for the people in the country of extraction, but they lie to themselves about their 'need' to drive/fly.
Every finite resource (or renewable resource that uses a finite one in production and shipping) comes at a cost to people removed in (future) time and distance from us. This is not new news, and yet people lie to themselves daily about how and where the things they have come from. People would prefer to believe what they prefer to be true, to quote Francis Bacon.
I think honesty is so far removed from our society that we don't even notice anymore.
And for the record, I think abortion is a right.
jo jo gunn comments ...
Hi Mark.Interesting experiment.
Writings about climate change and peak oil usually set out the problems and end with something along the lines of 'Catastrophe can be avoided if we act now'.My question is-Do you truly believe,hand on heart that "we" will do enough ,soon enough to turn things around?
comments ...
I love the purity of your thinking.
In years gone by, I too felt the same. Now I try for some balance, and prefer to keep a few of life's secrets close to my heart, particularly those divulged to me by others.
Great experiment though Mark - it's very thought provoking and that's exactly what we need in this world that constantly dumbs us down.....keep up the great work.....
Mark Boyle comments ...
@ Ytrish - thank you, but I think you are much too kind to me!
@ the person with no name - No! Not sure what to expand on that, I just haven't, not opposed to it but hasn't really interested me either.
@ Beccy - Yes the book is being sold, but I am not accepting any of the proceeds, they are going into a trust fund for the first real life Freeconomy Community. But the book won't be free unfortunately, as the publishers are selling it. See it as a once off payment, like a slave buying their way out of slavery so that their kids can be free.
@Dino Rubio - thank you for your support, so many members have joined today in Portugal and Germany, not sure what has happened there, I know it was in 'Die Welt' in Germany but no idea about Portugal.
@ Jason - a really great and valid point, be interested to know other peoples thoughts on this. I think as long as you speak your truth on a particular subject, the listeners perception is something you can't do a lot about sometimes.
@ Penny - No current intention to have kids, would possibly consider adoption if I felt that is what I wanted. I think you could easily bring up a kid with much less consumption but no real grasp of %'s as yet.
@ Jo Jo Gunn - Honestly, I don't. But I try to live each day as if we will, as that is the only option. And whatever happens then, happens. I think we can turn it around, it just requires us all to 'start being the change we want to see in the world' today. Try not to worry about what the rest of the world does right now, and try to minimise the discrepancies between the head, the heart and the hands in your own life.
@ other person with no name - thanks, and keep doing what you do.
vania comments ...
whenever i am really really true to what im feeling, its a big change,
is that what u mean?
Aoife comments ...
Sometimes we can ask questions as a way to avoid the truth. Questioning can be a very hostile form of communication. I think this is an interesting experiment I just wanted to add to this thread that truth can be revealed over time and through someone's behaviour, moreso than an answer they give and can be different to the verbal answer that we would consider honest.
Aoife comments ...
Maybe to flesh out my point I could say that a question I'm interested in hearing an honest answer to is 'what does your heart long for' or 'what do you regret' and you could come up with an answer, that would be an attempt at truthfulness, and may be a good way towards it, but really some of those questions cannot be answered any way other than philosophically. And I'm not sure philosophy is honest so much as a hypothosis or an exploration. Now if we knew each other I could ask 'what do you long for in our friendship that you feel is lacking'.
To be clear this is not neccessarily a response to the experiment but to the proposition that people are being truthful or not with themselves and others by being 'honest' all the time. I think that point may be moot.
Aoife comments ...
Finally though a straightforward question; what are you finding difficult in this experiment?
comments ...
Is there a difference between truth and honesty ? They are after all 2 different words.
Here is my present perception of these :
Truth is that which is appropriate to any given moment, that which strikes a resonance. Because there is change, responding to what is. And what was true yesterday may not be true today.
And this means being more awake and alive than than our current society encourages us to be.
Honesty surely means being able to state one's own truth. Which may not be anyone else's truth - but in turn sets an atmosphere for others to express their own without fear.
So people can speak and act from their hearts.
Anything which beats the fear works for me !
Steve comments ...
Should Miep Gies, the woman who helped Anne Frank hide from the Nazis, have told the truth? Its about doing the right thing, and that is where it gets complicated. Who is right, can there be a 'right way' for everybody? Or is it individual!
Question: Do you believe in a God(s)? Why?
Cheers,
Steve
Mark Boyle comments ...
@ Vania - that's a large part of what I mean, and a really good point.
@ Aoife - What does my heart long for? Probably to meet someone whom when I wake up in the morning inspires me to go at the day, and whatever it throws up, with a massive smile on my face. I suppose I want to love and be loved.
What do I regret most? Nothing, I believe everything has a vital role in your life, even though at the time it can seem like the worst thing that could possibly happen. Life is perfectly imperfect.
What am I finding difficult with this experiment? Communicating it to the world - writing and interviews etc. I propably spend 45hrs a week doing that at the moment, and it means I haven't had a spare second for months.
@ Steve - I don't believe in 'a God' as such.
@ A reader - I think I am half an inch under 6ft, but I haven't checked for years.
tamas mihaly comments ...
I am envious of you and your achivements. I'd like to particiapate and be part of this. where do I begin?
? comments ...
Hi Mark - there seem to be well over 200 people signed up to the freeconomy site in the nottingham area - and as far as I know there has never been a freeconomy social of more than a handful of folk - and most local freeconomists have not met most of the others - so I hope that when you come up to kindly grace us with your presence on the 27th and 28th feb at the freeconomy, transition, land roots event that many will come to meet you and each other - so - tell me honestly my young friend... 2 things..
1. What kind of underwear will be wearing for this event?
2. Do you think im shameless for asking such a question - or do you reckon it might make your readership take note ...
Sincerely - Shameless of Nottingham xx
Nick comments ...
Why is it harder to decide and be truthfull when a situation is percieved to be interogative. Or maybe I knoe the answer to that. Maybe, how does one remain truthfull when one feels unsure?
Ant comments ...
Hi Mark
I have 2 questions!
1. What are you most proud of?
2. If you could magically make the UK population change only 1 aspect of their lifestyle, what would it be?
jason palmer comments ...
I went to a philosophy for all debate at the mary ward centre, and found out about a book called deception, we deceive ourselves apparently.....
You really should write something for 'philosophy now' magazine you know, your a born philosopher.
Do you have a radio ?
Radio 3, the essay, late at night, has been talking about spinoza....
jason palmer comments ...
Deception (Art of Living) (Paperback)
~ Ziyad Marar (Author)
is the book, I think
sharon n katie xx comments ...
oi oi - is it true that you are coming to nottm at end of feb?
please give a shout out to all the nottingham area freeconomists - can you do this? as peoples diarys get full up - x
Sandie comments ...
Apologies from 'other person without name'.
I didn't mean to keep my name close to my heart too!
Are you still open for questions?
Ann Distin comments ...
I have found that if I love a person I can forgive their "sin" more easily; i.e. if they say "someone insulted my Mum and I punched them"
I have to ask you how far back you go The guy I asked did that at 10 years
I think I may have hit someone when I was older
I smacked my son's hand as at 18 months old was about to poke a hair grip in an electric socket and still feel the fear for his life- does that count?
Mark Boyle comments ...
@ Tamas - join this on-line community for a start, and email me regarding any other ideas you have and if I can help I will.
@ ? - If I am wearing underwear, and I most likely will be, it will be organic cotton boxers :-) Shameless for asking? Not at all!
@ Nick - maybe the truth is just to admit you don't know?
@ Ant - not proud of anything to be really honest. If I could make the UK population change one aspect of their lives (apart from reconnecting with the stuff they consume!) would be to stop abusing animals through buying factory farmed meat, dairy and eggs. It is the one subject that upsets me to the point of tears on a regular basis.
@ Jason Palmer - thanks for the book, I must check out philosophy now mag.
@ Sharon and Katie - I thought it was you organising this, so I hoped you knew I was coming! You guys can do the shout out yourselves, email me and I'll show you how if you don't already know.
@ Brill - someone from that organisation emailed me during the week but haven't had a chance to read their email yet as it was quite long.
hate myself comments ...
you have to say that 'not being in the present moment' is your biggest problem - if we're being honest here - you sound pretty boring. that sounds like a big problem - being boring.
My question is, how does that make you feel? and how many times do you masturbate, and what do you masturbate to, when you can't afford playboy?
honesty comments ...
what if I asked you all the wrong things for your public image? and took all your answers to show how crude a person you are - that you said this and this on this date. although I mean I wouldn't be honest in presenting the situation, because I would be that fox news guy who makes you look like a buffoon.
so would you really want to be honest about all that, since you've already acquired a name for yourself?
there was a politician, I think an independent somewhere here in the States, who's whole campaign was run by himself based on his philosophy of 'radical honesty'. he got pretty far in the races. oh here is his website:
http://www.radicalhonesty.com/
I'd respect you 10 fold, if I sensed that in your heart you were honest from start to finish. If you were to rip your skin off like that and let the air sting you. that would be a gorgeous thing - if you were made of glass, your house was made of glass double my respects. if you wore those torturous looking glasses that cows are fashionably sporting, just around your pelvis, you can triple my respect for you.
I want to see how you work, what you do at night, I want see how food exists your body.
awful human comments ...
how many girls have slept with? have you thought of taking a prostitute to bed? have you considered being a free prostitute?
spam comments ...
if all you had was cum would you use it to extinguish a fire?
this is the funniest two words put together that I've ever had to answer:
HARDWOOD DISARMED
I love your site, I'm exactly giving it much respect. there is a huge whole for spammers.
mrHerman comments ...
If i gonna be completly honest with some people its gonna start a fight.
Heeby Geeby comments ...
A difficult one i'd agree. I dont think many people are ready to be that honest. Many people live inside their egos myself included. I may have moments of higher enlightenment where i truely recognise the unity of life. In these moments i recognise that you are but an extension of me and i can take any truth as i dont feel threatened but on a day to day level my beliefs are still too small minded. I still see you as outside of me and a potential threat to me. Untill my thoughts are pure enough, loving enough and non judgemental enough I will remain as truthfull as normal.
I love the idea and i hope one day we can be there. I dont think our psychologist have yet grasped the human being. The majority of people still believe our ego's are sparate. Once we have learned more about the human being and how our thoughts affect the world and once we understand how our thoughts affect other people we will begin to watch our own thoughts more closely. Then we will be in a position to be more honest with oursellves and each other.
Laurie Neale comments ...
Hi Mark,
Thanks again for a fascinating talk last night, it was truly inspirational. You are the best example I've personally seen of someone "being the change they want to see in the world".
I hope that BBC radio programs aren't off your money list because you might like this link http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00ps6qs
It is Something Understood from this Sunday just gone and it is very related to the discussion on this page.
Hope to catch up again sometime, perhaps we could meet up with Lisa...
Cheers,
Laurie
hayley c comments ...
Mark I have all the time in the world for you but I think people are giving you a very easy time of it with these questions!
So here's my shout!
Whats the worst thing you've ever done to someone else?
What's the biggest lie you've ever told?
Have you ever even for second fantasised about hurting/raping/attacking someone?
What do you hate most about your closest friend?
I think the point I';m making will be obvious to you ; )
Much love and respect
Hayley
Jurgen comments ...
Hi Mark. Thanks for the blog. I am a contemplative and lay monk living in Pretoria, South Africa. I own virtually nothing and am owned by nothing! I am inspired by your story! The good Lord has taught me to be content with what I have. I am not a slave of the world, or Mammon, or capitalism. It is great to be free!! Blessings...
Ovelhanegra comments ...
Hello!
I completely agree with your thoughts in this post. It's true that everytime I try to be totally honest in my answers I tend to hurt someone feelings. Because of that matter I faced a struggle not being able to say the word "no". I'm learning to live with the consequences of my true answers and defy others by doing it. I've always felt a bit like the black sheep because of saying the truth and being completely honest with myself and others but through that process a lot of people who did not wanted to hear the truth or be faced with real facts made me feel like I was a mean person. Yes, people tend to manipulate others to answer what they want to hear leading to find some understanding. But in order to grow our personality we need to hear the truth from others. I confess it's not always nice to hear the truth, but everytime someone answered me truthfully I faced myself with it and in that moment I became a better person.
My question is:
Which was the most difficult thing you had to deal with through your year living without money and I did you find to pass through it?
Thank you Mark.
My regards.
Mark Boyle comments ...
@ Keyur - I live on the outskirts of Bristol, UK. I don't know myself that well, but I guess I am learning, and forgetting, and learning. Then again, what is 'myself'?
@ Spammer under various names - happy to answer your questions if you ask them more respectfully.
@ Mr. Hermann - why would you start a fight? I think how you deliver honesty makes all the difference - if you say in the spirit of helping a person grow, as opposed to criticise them, then I don't think you'll get in a fight.
@ Laurie - would be very happy to meet up, and I am sure I met you the other night, but can't put a face on the name, it was quite a busy night! Who is Lisa? Feel free to email me anytime.
@ Hayley - hmmmm, you certainly didn't want to take it easy on me. Here goes -
1. Probably starting a relationship with another girl days after breaking up with a long term ex-girlfriend (who is now one of my very best friends), and bringing her back to the house we both lived in. Pretty hard to write that in public, I have to say, and it still makes me sad to think of it - I really really hurt her.
2. No major lies, but lots of little ones, most of which are to myself.
3. No! Seriously, no!
4. I don't hate anything about my closest friend, I love everything about him, I really do!
@ Jurgen - much respect!
@ Ovelhanegra - most difficult thing was probably all the emotional stuff that goes with living without money in a world that is driven by it.
Hayley C comments ...
Mark - much respect for actually answering those questions. I honestly wasn't trying to be evil but rather to beg the question whether honesty is desirable in reality or whether it causes more hurt than it prevents?
lulu comments ...
I read and experimented with "Radical Honesty," it seems that this is the same philosophy you're espousing here. The downside to radical honesty is that for many people the ego is the loudest, most developed, strongest voice in their head. Radical, uncensored spewing of one's thoughts: Is this really honesty? If one is in touch with ego thoughts versus the higher self, or universal self, or Truth, then one has the ability to be radically honest. If one is ruled by the ego, with no conscious connection to the Consciousness of their true self, its not possible to be honest. The words spoken would be a reflection of the ego self, and potentially serve to strengthen and emphasize the ego mind. Potentially.
Luh Lisboa comments ...
I heard about you yesterday and now i'm following you at twitter and here at community. You make me feel that the human being worth a try. Nice to meet you.
bandage dress comments ...
Thanks for taking the time to discuss this bandage dress, I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic Herve Leger Dress. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more information? It is extremely helpful for me.I will bookmark your blog and have my kids check up here frequently V-Neck Bandage Dress. I’m very certain they will understand lots of new stuff here than anybody else. I do appreciate that youve added relevant and intelligent commentary here though. Thank you!
