Freeconomy Blog
Sun
18 Oct
A week of silence
| 14 comments |
I seem to have a bit of a penchant for doing slightly unusual things for certain defined periods of time. First came the 'year without oil' which evolved into my current 'year without money'. This time I am going for something a bit easier and for a much shorter period of time.
For one week I am going to give up the faculty of speech. Nothing major, to be honest, as I am sure many of you will attest to. Though I guess for the next seven days I'll be simultaneously giving up both cash and speech, which I suppose could seem a bit of a challenge to some people. If somone ten years ago - or even three years ago - had told me I'd do either by themselves, I'd have assumed they knew nothing about me. But here is where I find myself today. I feel that life is an immense experience and that only by trying as many parts of that experience as we can, do we get to find out more about ourselves and the world we find ourselves in. I also want to give up certain things to see how it feels for someone who hasn't got the choice; your capability for compassion and empathy, and therefore action, I believe is enhanced by doing so.
So why on earth would I give up speech for a week? There are a number of reasons. Firstly, for the past two or three months I have lost my way in life a bit, to be frank. In some respects I have not been the person I want to be in life. I have been too loose with my speech. I've been critical (though probably mildly, in context) of people for things that I have myself done in the past. In fact, I've probably done much worse.
I've also said things to people that I feel were tainted with the intention of making myself look good, successful, a person that others may want to be around and be attracted to. And I don't like that aspect of myself, especially at the time when I do it, as I am often aware of what I am doing. Is it natural for us to promote that which we see that is good in us? Who knows? It certainly isn't healthy for me though, nor does it feel good.
And I also just waste a lot of time making small talk. Which is fine, it has an important place. But often when we are using speech we are not using other, more genuine, forms of communication. For example, I could tell a partner "I love you", and as long as I smile I could probably make her believe it. But if you take away speech then you've got to show a person you love them, and that is much more difficult, though a lot truer, more sincere and genuine. I sometimes feel that if you have to tell someone you love them, you're obviously doing something wrong. It makes a beautifully complimentary gesture but a terrible primary source of reassurance.
I also want to find new, more meaningful ways of communicating. I want to show my happiness through my eyes, not by telling people 'i feel happy'. I can even fool myself sometimes but the eyes don't lie. I want to become more aware of what body language I am putting out into the world. Sometimes I don't want to tell someone I am annoyed with them so I'll show it through facial expressions, action and body language instead, often subconsciously. Sulking is an example of this, as is negatively rewarding the person. We do this to make sure people are not rewarded for behaviour we don't like, and hence manipulate and control that person to act in a way we do like, giving them the impression they won't be positively rewarded if they act like that.
Not being able to speak I assume I'll become a lot more aware of what I am communicating through my body, what masks I am wearing, and therefore hopefully be in a better position to change that.
The biggest thing I want to get out of it though is that I want to feel more. We have become a very intellectualised culture, most likely because of the fact that in today's modern society those who display strong intellect are admired, whereas those who can feel get much less recognition. Yet 'feeling' is much more closer to truth than 'knowing'. For instance, I could prepare you a whole presentation on why organic methods of farming are better than conventional agriculture, or instead I could just bring you to an organic farm and a conventional one, say nothing and let your heart decide which makes more sense to you.
Our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions our habits, and ultimately our habits become who we are and what we stand for. I want to improve the second part of that chain, and maybe in the process have more time to actually sort out the first part also. My thoughts often aren't very wholesome which is something I guess I need to work on a lot, separate from this, as a lifetime's endeavour.
If you couldn't speak, how would you say hello to someone? How would you communicate how you feel about them? How would you criticise them for flaws all humans have? How would you boast about your accomplishments in life? What would you do with the time you used to spend criticising and boasting?
It's also a great exercise in self-discipline. If there was one other skill, apart from physical fitness, that I would say was paramount to improve at this point in history, I would say it was self-discipline. The mass consumerism we see today is a result of most of us having very little of it. We are all addicted to something, whether it be products or just the actual act of buying them in the first place. Some of us are even addicited to bitching about each other; we humans sometimes just can't seem to help ourselves. That's addiction. The great thing about discipline though is that when you practice it in one area of your life, you can apply it to all areas of your life. Living without oil prepared me, as a precursor, for living with money, and both should make not speaking a bit easier to deal with, albeit for just a week.
This is what I hope to find out this week. It'll probably be emotional. It'll probably be really tough at certain points. It'll definitely be frustrating at times. It is going to be like a vipassana but without the guidance and support network and other bits that help you through it. But I want to get back to being the person I want to be and used to be. It's easy to let life's wave carry you away, and this is a wondrous thing; however, if you do not exercise some control though that wave can bring you crashing right into a rock that you could barely see the tip of.
I will let you know how I get on in the comments section next weekend, and may make it the start of my next blog. Lets hope I can control the use of my tongue until then. Its usually hard to stop me yapping for ten minutes. What on earth am I going to do if someone says something like 'all vegans are idiots' or 'I love Tescos, they're great'!
Great to be sharing the planet with you all.
THE FREECONOMY BLOG is written by Mark Boyle, founder of The Freeconomy Community. He is currently also living without money for a year. Or speaking, apparently.
Comment on this Post:
Lyssa M comments ...
Speech is over-rated, lol... A trick is sign-language.... cos you will find yourself in times when you NEED to explain something and using your hands can be usefull... I know this from spending months alone in Albania before I learnt the language so they didn't understand me and I didn't understand them. not QUITE the same I know.
How do you say hello? You smile and wave... I'm an incredibly shy person in RealLife so if you meet me there's a good chance this is all you'd get from me anyhow. How would you show how you feel about someone? A friend you would hug or kiss, some one you are angry with you will turn from, I think it'll come quite naturally really. Tho life without being able to communicate verbally is ALOT more physical, I'll tell you that... I liked that bit of it. How would you critise or boast? simple... you don't! and I'm sure you'll come up with plenty to do in the time you were busy boasting. And if anyone DOES say anything like "vegans are idiots" I have a feeling it'll be someone trying to wind you up to see how you take it, lol (he he... I would tho not the idiot one... I HATE that word! I'd just quote my love for Tescos)
BTW.. I came to Bristol not long ago... Loved it but had a slight problem with getting lost so had to stick close to the town centre... want to come again and next time you REALLY have to meet me and make sure I see the best bits and NOT get lost, lol.
Dago Schelin comments ...
Hi, Mark and friends of this blog! I will take the opportunity of this comment section to leave a message about Mark.
Last week I had the rare opportunity to personally meet Mark. I am a Brazilian, studying in Germany, having Mark as part of my final documentary project.
Before seeing Mark, I wasn’t sure what to expect, since I only knew of him by reading this blog and a couple of other online sources. “He could be one of those holier-than-thou tree-huggers, or perhaps a gloomy relational misfit.” To my joy, Mark is a very ordinary, fun and authentic guy, with whom I hope I can say a friendship has begun. It was impossible not to have a very personal conversation about all of these matters revolving his experiment of living a year without money. We laughed a lot while cracking jokes at each other, and we also kept silence when it was called for. We both have our inspirers… Jesus and Gandhi, of whom we shared our beliefs and motivations. Mark prepared a delicious lunch from the vegetables he picked. I learned a lot while enjoying myself in doing this documentary!
Another reason Mark is going for a week without much speaking may be because we made the poor guy speak in half a day the equivalent of what he would in a week. ☺ Plus, with that strong Irish accent… (sorry, Mark… had to kid a bit)
My sincere thanks to Mark as well as to the people I met at the community in Radford (Alex, Martin, Carla…) with whom we had a great dinner accompanied with music and tango!
Dago
http://www.vimeo.com/dago
(I am also speaking on behalf of Simon, my colleague, who did all the camera work and played along throughout the interview.)
Ana comments ...
I was going to tell you about vipassana but I see you already know about it. Perhaps it could be useful to wear a badge telling people of your silence for a week challenge, specially to the people that you might come across with and don't know. Good luck!
des troy comments ...
Mark, you have hit upon one of my most serious concerns regarding 'self development'. You say you are not the person you would like to be. This begs many questions; why do you want to be like this 'other person', why is this 'other person' better, from where have you got your value judgements - if from other people, then by definition, you are not being yourself. Surely the paradox is, the more you try to control yourself through discipline, the less you are being yourself. And it is only when you are yourself that you become one with the world. Any attempt at self development requires an ego. If you do become this 'other person' would you feel proud? To roughly quote Shakespeare, 'Nothing is good or bad, only thinking makes it so'.
Mark comments ...
@ LyssaM - Thanks for that, good advice! I so wished you had came and visited when you were hear, food, a roof, friendship and fire would have been free for as long as you needed it. @ Dago - it was wonderful to meet you, a friendship has definitely begun, though I suspect before we had even met. @ Ana - I already think a badge may be necessary, I can't go to Freeskilling in Bristol tomorrow night incase everyone things I am just being very rude! @ Des - I take your point and I agree and disagree with them at the same time! You are right, there is only one me, and there is no other person I am striving to become. I want to become a more compassionate, caring, respectful me than I currently am at present. If I was a rapist, a thief, do you think I should strive to become a non-rapist, non-thief, or should I continue being myself. Sometimes I know things that are true to me, but I do not put them into action. I don't like criticising others or being boastful, to pick two examples, but I still do them. So I am striving to have less discrepancy between my head, my heart, my hands and now my tongue. If I find the urge to practice discipline, is that not me 'being myself' anyway? Is me trying to be more compassionate etc not just me 'being myself'? Just to throw the cat amongst the pidgeons...
Ana comments ...
After this year challenge, you're already a better person, Mark. You motivation for the good of the whole and yourself included in the process, and what Ive always seen it as your personal spiritual journey. And perhaps now you're started seeing others aspect of yourself that you didn't noticed before. You see, we are so involved in our busy material lives, that it's only when we remove ourself from the material contest, we start moving to others subtler fields like our relations with others, our emotions, etc. In this silence week , it's a good opportunity to watch your thoughts, and Buddhist say don't try to change your thoughts (not try to control them) just observe them, with full awareness change come naturally, remember; " AS IT IS, NOT AS WE WOULD LIKE IT TO BE". Having say that I'm still working on it myself. :D
des troy comments ...
What Ana said. Plus, to throw the bear amongst the pigeons, who's to say rapists don't like being rapists? It is those being raped who don't like rapists. Big difference.
Mark Golding comments ...
Hiya!
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Mark Golding
www.theorganichome.co.uk
Bryony comments ...
Hi Mark,
I have also just read your article in Inspired Times magazine. I like your honesty and hands-on approach to self development. I think it's important to lead by example if you want to inspire others around you and empower them to discover new realities and perspectives. I'm just at the stage where i'm reviewing my life and making some changes. It feels invigorating and i'm more alive and thankful than I have been for years. Lots of inspiration has poured into my life lately and reading your articles gives me hope for the future. It reaffirms my belief that individuals have unlimited power to adapt and change and to define their own paths instead of accepting what feels pre determined.
I want to wish good luck and say I respect the effort you are putting into life. Don't miss or discount your achievements - they are just as valid as perceived mistakes or flaws.
Bryony
ps. got to ask - have you read "into the wild" by Jon Krakauer?
LyssaM comments ...
@Mark I'll definetely be back again!! Loved it so much even what little I saw, lol... How is your silent week going? how are you feeling about it?
Jeannie comments ...
Choosing to be silent is easier though than 'being silenced' - I have had the two experiences in the last year. Choosing silence, at a retreat, felt liberating, restorative, whilst being told not to speak, after a throat operation, challenged my sense of self quite fundamentally. But even so, it showed me how trivial most speech can be , and how often we use it to impose ourselves on others rather than actually communicating with them. But smiling is good! Good luck with the experiment.
Tina comments ...
Hello Mark....just wanted to say you're amazing! You just inspired me to change most of the content in my 1 and half year old website, because I really resonate with what you have been doing by making these changes in your own life. My website & blog is about assiting others on how to- 'Make changes in themselves that you want to see in the world' and I would love to be able to inspire my visitors by your life (if that's ok with you?) I started out intending to make it a virtual Holistic business but never did bring in income, and it has taken me on a very unique path myself. But now I am starting to see that everything else (my more green,natural, holistic intentions have worked very well) Thank you...I have just had a 'Spiritual Awakening'(as I call it) from just being introduced to your world. So glad to be here! Oh..and hey it sounds like an awesome idea-Not speaking for a week. Wish you the best, and I'm sure you will be forever enlightened after it :-)))
(I hope it's ok to leave my link here???
http://ourvisionspaforyou.com/
quantum grandma comments ...
I credit vipassana with my retreats into silence... more than 111 days so far, 9 days at a time... What I've learned is that in silence there is alot of noise... internally and externally; noise that had escaped me in my drive to be heard. I also learned from non-speaking, similar things I've learned from fasting... to be more conscious of what comes out of my mouth and what goes into my mouth. And the increased consciousness of these very mundane actions has increased the quality of the experience. ...great topic!
