Freeconomy Blog
Thu
23 Jul
How would you live if today was your last?
I've just spent the last week at a festival called Buddhafield in Devon, England. At first I wasn't sure if it would be my type of festival and whether or not there would be a bit too much Chai Tea and Tai Chi for my personal taste, but I was very pleasantly surprised. Actually it went much beyond being pleasantly surprising and ended up being rather life changing, mainly down to the fact I felt I had been losing a bit of myself recently; last week I heard things I really needed to hear and experienced things I really needed to experience.
During the daytime at the festival I worked in a tent helping the guys who have just set up a great new project called Freelender, a project very much in keeping with the ideals of Freeconomy. So as well as helping them get word out there about it, we also ran a freeshop where people could take things they needed and leave things for others that they didn't need - no money involved. We also provided a borrowing and lending service for the public (for things like blankets, wellies) and organised the liftsharing back home from the festival.
In the evenings, for the first few days, I just had a lot of fun. I went to see one of the most inspirational bands on the planet, Seize the Day, a couple of times, and generally just hung out with friends listening to amazing musicians - a very privilieged position to be in, indeed. I needed it, though, to be honest. The last eighteen months has been relentlessly hectic and all very new to me, and the last few months quite tough on a very personal level.
But whilst the fun was greatly appreciated, the festival conspired to have a much greater purpose in my life. It started at about 3.50pm on the Saturday, when I 'coincidently' bumped into a friend who told me that there was a great workshop being run by a poet called Paradox at 4pm. Having seen him the night before and having been blown away by both his lyrics and his deliverance of them, it really wasn't a difficult decision to go to it. What I found when I got there was one of the most humble, insightful and inspirational people I've ever had the privilege to meet.
The workshop was based around us questioning the meaning of life, and the meaning of meaninglessness, where we explored what was meant by the common question 'what is the meaning of life?', what gave us meaning at the various points in our life, all with a view of writing a tragicomedy of our life at the end.
So we started by collectively agreeing that life had no meaning in itself, but that life itself (i.e. 'me' or 'you') gives meaning to life. We then went on to realise that there was no one meaning to life, and that the meaning of life even changed for each individual person at each point in their lives. For example, I realised that between the ages of 5-12 years old, being the best at school and being the best behaved gave me meaning, between 12-16 being the best at sport was what gave me meaning, between 16-21 it was beer, girls, designer polo-shirts and money, between 21-26 unconditioning my mind and deconstructing all the lies about the world I had been fed gave me meaning, whilst now it is trying to use all that I've learnt so far to live as gently and respectfully as I can towards the planet and all that dwell on it, that gives me meaning.
He then read us the most honest poem about his life, though initially making us think it was about his friend, whom he called Rodney Five-lives. This guy - himself - had been through one of the most insane lives I had ever heard, involving two women, unknown to each other, telling him they were pregnant by him on the same day, being homeless during a few periods of his life, having his legged torn off in Mexico then lying on his deathbed as no one had his blood type, to name just a few. He called himself Paradox because, amongst many reasons, this latter event was both the best and worst moment of his life. So whilst he did lose his leg, he would have lost his life if it wasn't for a bunch of local Mexican strangers who dedicated a few days of their life to finding someone with his blood type. This was the moment he realised his whole life was about himself and his ego, and he realised that was not what he wanted to be anymore. So he survived and decided he was going to try and inspire others to be of service to the world and be the best person they can be, through what he does best - his poetry.
One of the final things he said though was that when you are on your deathbed, you realise the things that are truly 'meaningful' in your life and what is actually important, and it isn't what brand of trainers or shirts you wear. For him it was his kids, the people he loved, all earthlings and the things that he felt were more important to him than himself.
So I left feeling completely inspired and looking back at the last few months not liking the kind of person I was becoming. I have been finding it hard to watch all the destruction and suffering that we humans cause, lately, and was becoming judgemental of others when I had absolutely no right to be. At the end of the workshop we all read out the tragicomedy poems we had written, and I left the room feeling full of admiration and empathy for the people I saw around me, many of whom I may have otherwise thought were either strange, weird or just an idiot. When I heard everyone's life story I realised just how amazing they were to be still alive and sane and that everyone has had to go through so much inner pain just to get to this point in their life. One thing I would recommend for any organisation, business, community etc is to set aside a day when all members of that organisation tell everyone, with complete honesty, about their lifes so far, both the highs the lows. I can promise you that you will never think that the person who you thought of as an annoying idiot, previously, is so after this - my guess is that you will have an enormous amount of empathy and sympathy for them. I left feeling an enormous amount of love for everyone in the world, even those who I felt had hurt me or others in the past, seeing everyone, I suppose in a way, as a victim of their own circumstances.
So, inspired by Paradox, I resolved that from Sunday onwards I would live every day like it was my last. Because when you think of it, it could be, couldn't it? People the world over wake up every morning thinking it is just going to be another day but don't make it to the end of it. So why should I be any different?
I could never have imagined though that by the next morning the universe would have conspired to reinforce this in to me so strongly, almost to make sure I got the message of the day before very clearly. I had cycled the 90kms to the festival five days earlier - a six hour period during which time I seen no other cyclists but lots of dead badgers, rabbits, foxes and birds, all killed by cars and their omnivorous, vegetarian and vegan drivers - and so had to cycle back on Sunday after a morning working on the Freelender stall. I was about 3kms into the journey when I heard a car scream over the peak of a small hill behind me, before seconds later hearing the horn beep frantically. I scowled over my shoulder - as if to say "I'm in as far as I can go!" only to see the car in mid air and coming towards me. It was such a surreal moment. The momentum of the bike kept me going and the car landed dead, bent in two, in the ditch about 8ft from my back wheel. It landed so close I seen it from the corner of my left eye and it sounded like a bomb when it hit, and if I had cycled about 1 second slower, or if the car had bounced out from the ditch instead of landing dead, I would not be living without money anymore - well I'd have still been without money, just not living.
After going back to the driver and making sure she was OK - she miraculously walked out of it, though in complete shock - I continued my cycle home. I was almost the badger and my family and friends almost realised the true price of petrol. I had to hold back the tears as I flew up the road, so shocked I cycled the 90kms home in 4hrs instead of the 6hrs in took going down. But all that went through my head was what Paradox had spoke to me about the day before - how would I live if today was my last? Would I be happy with the last thing I had said to individual people, what I had spent my last hours / days / weeks doing, would I have told the people I treasure in life how I feel about them? Would I have wrongly judged a persons whose story I had no idea about? Would I have been the person I want to aspire to be? The answer is no. And from now on I want to live so that no matter what point it ends, whether it be tomorrow at 1.35pm or when I'm 121 years old, that I am totally happy about who I was just before it ended.
I want to have as much compassion and empathy for everyone I ever meet as I can, and love the person even if I don't always love their actions. I want to tell everyone who is dear to me that I love them - thats you mum and dad and all my friends. I also want to meet the people, who think that I am the son of Beelzebub himself, at wherever place they are at in life, and tell them that I understand their perspective, because I do now. I want to tell all of you very opinionated and diverse people that I think you are all amazing for the fact you are even thinking about things, even if you completely disagree with me sometimes. But most of all I just want to be of service from now on and to wake up each day feeling completely privileged to be having this experience on earth which we call life. We are only in this vehicle we call our body once, and not for long at that.
So my question to you is this? If you were secretly told in the morning that this day was going to be your last, what would you do? How would you behave? How would you speak to those you love? What would you do for them to give them the most lasting loving memory of you?
And then remember that this could, in fact, be your last day, so why not do it now? And then even if you do survive to bedtime, just think how much love and goodwill you will have spread. This is my new mantra anyway.
If you were asked to write an autobiography of your life when you are 80 years old, how would you like it to read? What kind of person would you like to be writing about?
THE FREECONOMY BLOG is written by Mark Boyle, founding member of the Freeconomy Community. Guest writers invited.
Comment on this Post:
Lyssa M comments ...
My Gosh Mark! That moment must have been absolutely pretrifying! I guess you must have felt the way my dad did when he had a very similar experience... tho he didn't come away with much of a life changing attitude as you, lol.
If I was told this was my last day... well I'd preobably say something along the lines of "gee whizz mate... thanks for the warning!!" seeing as its night time already, lol...
But seriously... if a day was my last... dunno... I can't tell my parents I love them... tried that they thought I was emigrating and would never see them again, lol.... I spent the next hour persuading them that I WOULD be back after the holiday, lol. But I think really it would be my girls that I spent my time with... THEY are the meaning of my life... all other people and other things just fall away when I think of what is important. I'm a bit religeous so I would do my prayers and declare the Shahadah and then take my girls and go to the wood and the river where we all feel the most comfortable and the most happy.
One flaw to this plan of yours, for me anyway... I find eatting and sleeping such a waste of time and so wouldn't do either on my last day.... but there's only so many days you can do that for, pmsl.... so you need to live each day as tho it was your last but keep in mind it may not be, lol.
Meera comments ...
You are absolutely right, Mark! Sympathy and empathy are probably the only factors which can save the Earth now. If this would have been my last day I would have tried to help and give love to everyone as much as I could! Above all, I would have thanked God for all that he has given me, because whatever he gives, it's all for our own and everyone's good! Thank you for this great blog, it is as inspirational as Paradox's poems should have been!Also, I want to say that (though it's no barrier for me to love evreyone) my friends are little interested in Freeconomy Community and it's principles. They are among them who knowingly ignore their own destruction. And it's hard to love such people very much!
Cheese comments ...
Now you know why i cycle so slowly Mark! Genuine fear for my life because of all the idiots on the road! Fortunately your stupidly fast cycling speed saved you on this occasion!
But im very glad you've had your re-affirmation, as i've mentioned to you before i sensed a growing frustration in your posts.
loads of love, hopeflly see you soon.
Lilamayi comments ...
Thank you for sharing this Mark - wow what an experience. I did not get to Buddhafield this year - I love listening to Paradox and his workshop sounds amazing.
Mark comments ...
Lyssa M - good point! Just live each day like you would like to be remembered. Meera - I feel exactly the same, and feeling it for people who don't care about anything other than themselves is the challenge, but as a species do we really want to stay in the place - called 'conditional' love - that we are now? I'll give it a go if you will! Cheese - yes thank you for pointing that out in an earlier blog, you really made me think, and it gave me a good frame of mind going to the festival with, so I really appreciate it, I needed to hear it at that time. Hope your film is going well, happy to do follow up, but only if you can cycle faster this time. Lilamayi - thanks, glad you enjoyed it, very inspirational.
comments ...
I have to confess that I don't find at easy to face the subject of my death and for that it's a subject I feel passionated about. For so many times I try to reproduce that moment it leaves me with a deep deep sorrow lasting for some minutes. Now if I would know it 24 hour earlier, it will be hours of sadness and despair for myself and for my family left behind, specially I would be worried for the feeling of abandonment of my children and the burden left to my husband, : (. After reading this, I can see how confused my mind can be. But what I would really like to do/be (sharing it all with my family and I've not doubt I'll try to use all my senses: see,hear,touch,smell,taste,"fell" will great sharpness); rising earlier to watch the sunshine, listening the birds and sound around, have a dip in the sea, feel the cold of the water, feel the air on the skin, feel the warm of the sun, laying down on the beach and watch the sky and clouds, perhaps go to the countryside or forest, and light a fire (add some spuds and taste them) and gaze for the last time at the stars, say goodbyes to my family, and say how greatful and fortunate to share my life with them, to end dying on my sleep feeling that I fulfill my life doing the best I could. Sometimes I even fantasies that death it could be a liberation, at last I will be able to rest for a bit longer, but will I?
I grew up in the countryside, and I've seen many animals being kill in the best traditional way, it was deeply upsetting and always we end up in tears. Perhaps that why I make a commitment to rise my children vegetarians.
Meera comments ...
right, Mark, I'll love them all unconditionally. Thans for the support!
Joyful comments ...
Hi Mark
I didn't want to read and run. Glad you're still here! I think we change all the time and probably all hit periods when we may not like ourselves. This is all part of growing as none of us are perfect. As you have found often the right person comes into your life at the moment you need them. Too deep for me to discuss further at the moment as I am away to surround myself with Nature walking the Dog!
comments ...
I know exactly what you mean Joyful. After living three days of hell this past week, in the fourth day this stranger (natural mystic kind of person) appeared and dissipated my deepest fears in an instant, the amazing thing it's that he wasn't even aware of his compassionate power. Deeper forces are always at work if you haven't done anything wrong, they will be there to help you, without doubt.
janey comments ...
what an epic day in the life of ...
im interested by this paradox poet, how do we get him to Manchester i wonder? Do you know how to get in touch with him
Chris Brown comments ...
Mark, You'd love the Big Green Gathering for all the same reasons. It was due to start this week, but Mendip council used red tape to cancel the festival at the last minute due to political pressure (BGG would have provided a platform for Climate Camp and Plane Stupid and other environmental organisations). Sadly I don't think BGG has the financial strength to recover from this so it may not be back next year.
brahma comments ...
very nice mark, i'm a well wishing fan of yours. i resonate with this philosophy, but instead of seeing this as a one and only life... i see it as one in millions, yet each one counting every bit as much as if it was our only one.. and each progressing from where the last one left off.
Mark comments ...
Janey - yes, if you send me your email (go to contacts page) then I will forward his email address on. Inspirational guy.Chris Brown - yes been to BGG and loved it, was gutted when I heard what happened. Apparently orders cam from the top, I agree. Lets hope the find the strength to keep it alive. Anuj - thanks! Brahma - I agree, but I see it in slightly a different way to you, but fundamentally the same. Thank you for sharing those thoughts.
val lloyd comments ...
very mooving and inspirational, made
me stop and think, why put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
mo comments ...
wow. food for thought. perhaps this is timely for me too. not that this is my last day. at least I hope not. but that it could be, and I should think more about my petty selfish thoughts and sulks and just be better. thanks