Freeconomy Blog
Fri
10 Jul
Humanimal Farm
| 39 comments |
I've decided that once I've finished this 'living without money' year malarkey that I am going to go back into business. I've got a big idea, something I think is really going to improve things. I am going to set up a farm, called Humanimal Farm (pronounced Hugh-manimal), where we grow humans for milk and cheese products. I must admit that I am not a big fan of the dairy industry. Not because of any fluffy concerns about the welfare of animals and the conditions they live in today, but solely because of the fact it is not very smart from a human perspective.
You see at the moment we are drinking the milk of another species. Just the other night I had a thought that maybe this wasn't as natural as I first realised. So I said to myself that if we insist on drinking milk and eating cheese and so on, lets at least make it from our own species. Fair enough, I take your point that this milk is intended for infants and young children, so it is still far from ideal and by no means actually 'natural' (in fact there is evidence that suggests our drinking of milk as adults is why human adults are still so immature), but you must admit that at least it is a huge step in the right direction, given that it is coming from the correct species.
This is not going to be a business that makes money in its first year, however. One of the first obstacles I realised that we would need to be overcome is selecting the correct breed of human for this new venture. After some deliberation, I decided we will go for some tribal Ethiopian human stock - the idea being that I buy some humans from parents of a couple of select tribes we have located in Ethiopia. These parents probably couldn't afford to keep them anyway so its likely we would be doing them a great service to boot.
I chose these Ethiopian babies mainly because of the fact they have a shorter life expectancy, meaning they get pregnant earlier, sometimes as early as 7 years old if from good stock. Also, because of the fact they have evolved to have a lot of babies that they breastfeed themselves (having no access to the marvels of instant formula), it means they produce a lot of milk. This is crucial to the economic viability of Humanimal Farm, as you can imagine.
In order to ensure that the farm doesn't have to wait 7 years for its first income stream though, I've decided to go for an initial stock of 120 Ethiopian 6 year old girls, and 10 Ethiopian 8 year old boys from pedigree fathers (i.e. those who have fathered big families in their tribes, as this is an indicator of strong sperm) to be the studs.
Housing them was the next concern. Because of their low expectations, I guess I would just build a barn and put down some mattresses. As the farm would be an eco-farm obviously, they'd have no toilet and hence shit all over the 50 acres of land we are giving them, so as to increase soil fertility.
I accept that it may be a huge climatic and environmental shock taking these children from their homes in Africa and putting them in Britain and I admit it is a bit cruel, but it is no different than putting elephants and zebras and monkeys in Zoos across these fine British Isles, so you can't argue about this with me unless you are prepared to admit first to a huge lack of consistency. If we can have zoos, then why not this?
The quality of this milk and cheese is of paramount importance as one of the main markets for these innovative new products will be the white middle-class market, who love an artisan product. So for the milk to be good I need to feed these Ethiopian child mothers-to-be well - you are what you eat and all that. I've decided to train them (and to do so to a lesser extent on an ongoing basis) in how to grow their own food, and being a really responsible farmer practicing good husbandry I'll obviously make sure they always have enough seed to grow with, and some basic tools. They will grow a mixture of grain and vegetables and fruits to eat themselves. I know this seems like a massively inefficient way of producing food - turning so much vegetable matter into so little milk and cheese - but I can assure you it will be no less efficient than the rest of the dairy industry at present, so I don't think you can argue against me on the basis of that.
You may also argue that its a form of slavery and contravening basic human rights. Again, I'd say this is no different to the current industry, except for the fact that at least this way we are producing human milk for humans, which even the most uneducated of us must see as being a lot more natural. And all modern dairy involves some slavery, so why get all racist - or I should say speciesist, a word I have just learnt from renowned philosopher Peter Singer - as to who are the slaves? White boy, black girl, goat, cow - does it really matter? We humans should be evolving beyond discrimination in all it forms, I believe, and so I feel we need to start to be consistent and fair.
So for the first year I would show these Ethiopian children how to grow their own grain and vegetables and fruit. Some people have asked me why I think they'd bother, given the life they will be leading (which admittedly isn't ideal)? I answer that all animals want to survive as long as they can. And anyway, they'd be fenced in and so eventually this herd of humans wouldn't know that any other way of life exists and so over time this would just become their reality - they wouldn't know of anything beyond the fence and so not know what they are missing. They would become truly domesticated with no expectations of life outside the field.
So after this first year to 18 months of training, we hope that the girls will have started menstruating and effectively become women who can bear livestock. As soon as they have, we will get our young Ethiopian boy studs to impregnate them (if they don't do it willingly we will take samples of the sperm and artificially impregnate the girls), and nine months later hopefully have our first human calves - all going well we hope to get at least 100 new borns out of it.
The next job is to sort these out. We'd expect 55 of these humans to be girls, all of whom will be kept and reared as dairy humans, and the other 45 to be boys. The boys are a bit more problematic. The best of this 45 will be kept as our studs, some of whom we would like to sell to other farmers (we believe the success and common sense approach of our farm will inspire others to take this ever-so-slightly more natural approach). Others will be kept and reared effectively as our oxen, used to plough the land in an eco way.
The others we will unfortunately have to kill as they are just an extra mouth to feed that we can't economically justify keeping. I've never had to kill a human before but I guess its really no different than killing an animal, and as I am trying to move away from all forms of discriminatory belief systems, I am resolving to do it, even though I suspect it will be a chilling experience at first. I suspect I'll have become desensitised to it in no time though.
I've already spoken to the guys in the local abattoir - we are keeping it local to keep food miles down and to support local businesses, this abattoir being only 30 miles up the road (the oil unfortunately does come from Iraq which isn't ideal, but I suppose humans were killed for that too so it is all done in the spirit of the thing). Anyway, these guys said these humans will be killed in the same way as most other animals - hung upside down by the legs, throats slit and left to dangle until dead. Again I do admit it is not pretty, and the more extreme people in society (i.e. those pesky vegans and animal rights activists) would probably go as far as saying cruel, but it is the law and rightly so as it is easily the most cost effective way of doing it, meaning that you and I continue to get cheap meat, milk and cheese, which, at the end of the day, is the most important thing I hope you agree.
So all the human babies that are remaining will be taken away from their mothers at birth, and they will be fed organic infant formula for the first few months. This isn't great as its pricey but its only for a while until we move them onto cheaper feed, but it is in the Soil Associations standards so we have to do it. This will be reflected in our prices though and I think that consumers will be willing to pay for a quality, slightly more natural product. This means we will be able to milk the mothers straight after birth, as we can take the milk that nature intended for their new borns, some of whom are either dead or on organic infant formula.
Most of this will be for milk to help our cash flow, but some will also go to our in-house artisan cheese makers to make into the finest and first Ethiopian variety of Humanimal cheese, which the marketing department I have put together have already decided to call Green African.
Once these new mothers stop producing the amount of milk we see as optimum, we will impregnate them again and this cycle will continue. Soon this herd of Ethiopian human livestock will be so big we will be selling them to the other farmers we will inevitably inspire also, especially if the business model can be proven to work (i.e. is financially lucrative and profitable). Some of these humans could also end up for meat, we have no idea where this new venture will eventually lead. The dairy and meat industries today are inseparable anyway and so we would just aim to be consistent with that in our long term objectives, especially if the public continue to want their milk and cheese to remain affordable.
I suspect that this will start up as a small business at first. But as soon as people start to evolve as humans and stop discriminating in terms of species in the same way our inhumane ancestors discriminated on race and gender in the last few hundred years, I strongly believe that humans will become more consistent and realise that, at the very least, this is a step in the right direction and, at least, a slightly more natural product.
So if you would like to buy some milk or cheese from Humanimal Farm - your new quality dairy - then place your orders now, we will be delivering hopefully by July 2012...
THE FREECONOMY BLOG is written by Mark Boyle, founding member of the Freeconomy Community.
Comment on this Post:
Don comments ...
That was in the best tradition of Jonathan Swift. Remember? The writer that suggested that the solution to the Irish potato famine was to decrease the population of Ireland by eating the excess babies.
LyssaM comments ...
I found this absolutely hilarious in the beginning.... having extended breastfed 2 children I remember often feeling a bit like a human cow, pmsl..
You have made your points well though... food for thought certainly.
Kim Stevens comments ...
Things that make you go "Hmmm...." I like the satire, but suspect you might offend your most unoffendable fans. One thing though, the male calves are most valuable if you allow them to be adopted. Black market adoptions can net you well over $10,000 US each. This part of your business would be extremely lucrative. I understand that your parody is about treating humans exactly like animals and I get your points. I used to work with a girl I called a "rabid vegan". She was a difficult cross to bear until I discussed PMU (pregnant mare's urine) farms with her and she refused to give up her birth control pills because she didn't really have breasts without them. She didn't bother me so much after that. I see that you are trying to bring the hypocrisy of animal farming to light in a dramatic way. I think you've done that.
Mark comments ...
Don - I haven't read that but will now! Lyssa - its good to be a human cow to your own kids! Kim Stevens - sorry, it is really not intended to offend, it is intended to stimulate thought and attempt to break the mould of conditioned thinking. Please don't take offense, I drank milk for most of my life from cows that lived in the worst of conditions. But do think - not just about this, everything. Question everything that you are lead to believe is normal from the moment you were born.
LyssaM comments ...
Mark- lol... well I did almost feed other people's babies too... holding a baby that's crying and it's just natural to feed it, lol.... did you know there's ALREADY a market for breastmilk in America? Not quite large scale and unethical like this but mothers with excess do sell their milk... some to people who cannot breasfeed themselves, to cancer patients and there's even some people with bizarre fetishes!! Over here it is illegal (sorry... to COMPLETELY ruin your well thought out buisness plan, lol) so mothers with excess can donate to hospitals instead.
Kim- I was a bit shocked at the PMU and checked it out and apparently it's not actually used in birth control but hormone replacement therapy e.g for post-menapausal women ect. Still gross, lol...
Markus comments ...
Will you be doing wholesale orders as I reckon there'd be a great market for the cheese down here. Would be extremely interested in some more mature varieties too.
Bayrose comments ...
I take your point. Painful reading.
I like to drive to work over the levels and from time to time find myself sitting with the engine off waiting for a milking herd to go past. I cross the paths of 3 herds. I always find myself reflecting on the difference in well being between these poor animals and the goats and jersey cow which I grew up with on a croft in Scotland and think about returning to veganism.
You may have just pushed me over the wall.
Kim S. comments ...
I think I'll leave out my last name from now on. :) Anyway Mark, I was not personally offended, although I did find it hard reading. Especially being female, because frankly women are treated very much like cattle in many countries. There are still places where children are bought and sold, and I was brought into this world by my parents with my four siblings to be slave labour. In Canada children on farms are the only ones unprotected by child labour laws and many are maimed or die each year. I am very surprised we all made it to adult age. My brother nearly died in a hammermill accident and has never been the same. I had stage three degeneration of my spine at 34, and the chiropractor thought it was strange that the damage appeared to be well over 20 years old. It was no surprise to me. I know here in Canada the "family farm" is rather venerated. Sure, the quality of the food produced is certainly better than "factory farms", but at what cost to the children. I feel like I was a "farmed" child, but I was a beast of burden, not a food producing animal. And just for the record--you have no idea how much I question everything all the time. I'm on a quest, as I suspect are you, and everything must be tested.
LyssaM-I'm glad to hear that about the pill. My information is about 14 years old. I think that the horrific nature of PMU farms has made synthetic hormones much more acceptable.
LyssaM comments ...
Sorry about your childhood, Kim... my dad had a similar upbringing but a bit worse cos he was actually an orphan so he was treated worse than the farmers own children and just chucked from farm to farm and amazingly he started off at an orphanage in south England and started working in farms and as he was passed around by the time he was 17 he was up in Scotland with a thick scottish accent, lol. He has a friend who had a simlar upbringing and they now sit in the pub disscussing these new farmers and their machinery and they "didn't have those in our day" lol.
Mark comments ...
Markus - we would be delighted to supply. We only supply local though, so you would need to be near Bristol, UK (the fact the original stock isn't local is really just a side issue and we shouldn't really think about that in terms of food miles). Bayrose, Kim and Lyssa, thank you so much for sharing your stories, I found that really interesting - Kim, I am sorry to hear of yours, I think it is fantastic and quite inspirational how you have got to this point in life where you still question so much. Thank you for sharing that. Bayrose, do whatever you feel is right, only you can decide that, I think its great that you recognise it for what it is.
Dago comments ...
Hey, Mark!
Now u disappeared from facebook too. Do you have a phone number?
Peace.
Cheese comments ...
Hi Mark,
Having just caught up on several of your last blog posts, having been away in so called civilisation for a few months, it is apparent from your tone you seem to be getting more frustrated with western economy/society etc.
I have no point to make other than such a prolific change of views and cultural values as to see an end to speciesism will not happen over night. so to reinstate what im sure you already know, you have entered into a marathon, not a sprint, try not to get downheartened by it all!
Eliza comments ...
I became vegan just a week ago and you've just made me stick to it. Hooray! Thanks for pointing out the flaws in "sustainable capitalism" as well. Speaking of questioning things, I don't suppose you've been to thezeitgeistmovement.com? And/or read any Eckhart Tolle books? These have had a huge impact on my personal hunt for truth.
Peace.
maria comments ...
this is an absurd business idea...even if this is a joke, it is tasteless...children aren't cows.
Ana comments ...
I agree with you maria, too insensitive and couldn't even to read the full text, it remain me a bit of "the Planet of the Apes" movie but in worse. There are about only 5% of vegetarians/vegans in this country, a quite low figure compare with the consumers of animals, and of those vegetarians are the ones like my family that consume daily products, add the vegans that consume imported products where animals have been use on the cultivation of crops, no one it's left. I don't think it's the best way to persuade others, with such appalling criticism, in fact it can put people off. I just wonder Mark what would you do if unfortunately find that you/any of your family have cancer, or other disease, and needed the drug used in animal testing, would you honestly refuse the treatment that might save you or yours family life?. The fact you Mark and all of us are here today it's because bravely our ancestors fought extreme hardship to make our future and our children future safer. There are a lot of room for improvement but this is not the way.
Mark comments ...
Eliza - thats fantastic, really happy for you. I have seen zeitgeist and read some Eckhart Tolle but not enough. Maria - children aren't cows? Of course they are, they are just called calves. We do all the above to children, just because they aren't human animals does that make it OK? Ana - the only reason this makes uncomfortable reading is because it is true. Sorry if you take offense. Do you think consumerism and abuse makes our futures safer??? We are on the brink of irreversible and catastrophic climate change because of our addiction to stuff. Who are my ancestors who fought bravely so that I could be safer by the way? As regards veganism, I agree, you should grow your own or forage if you want the lowest impact possible, but I've never argues for anything less.
comments ...
Our ancestors depended on animals to survive, that it's where our inherited carnivorous diet has evolved, and they're worth of our more humble respect. Veganism is a very modern concept, and appears in/as a result of this consumerist society and the amount of variety food (home, imported) so allowing vegan people to survive. If you observe the more ancient vegetarian diet in the Hindu/Buddish tradition, it's telling when the more natural thing would be it evolve towards a vegan diet, and it hasn't happened, why? and many of them still consume meat. I hear even Dalai Lama eat meat for health reason. Don't forget that even you are partially (?) depending on the society you're fight so hard against, scavenging freegang food (another by-product of this society), using the advance technology to live, communicate, I know it's only transitory but ... ; )
To persuade people, it has to be a gradual process; first changing our way to live more simple, improve the wellbeing of animals , reduce meat consumption, vegetarian, vegan, ....etc. it's going to take time. And perhaps we have to rear animals for transport, crop cultivation, etc. who knows ....
BTW You haven't answer my question about medicines, vaccines etc.?
Meera comments ...
hard reading, man! It's true that unless man suffers it he rarely understands the pain. But presently people have gone to such an extent that their own lives are affected drastically due to it - and still they don't stop! They agree to pump loads of drugs and chemicals into their blood, but can't get off their pleasure standards. It's very pitiful!
Shaking the foundations comments ...
You are an angel indeed!
I went vegan over night over 14 years ago after a profound spiritual awakening that happened after I'd felt so much internal conflict with the ways of society that I'd decided I'd rather be dead than to be a part of a system that was so far from authentic that it denied the very essence of who I was. In that moment and a nut shell - the entire universe fell away and all that remained was one seamless connected 'us' (encompassing every sentient being including plants etc etc) -within which the cosmic library, revealed the unscathable, omnipresent truth beyond all things illusionary! How could we ever feel anything other than the sincerest compassion for ALL beings after that! It changed my life over night. I decided to stay!
Every now and again I come across someone like you and feel that deepest of souls incarnated to shake the foundations of the world in order to unleash a greater harmony.
With Love
Trinity
Mark comments ...
Ana - no I wouldn't use animal tested medicines or vaccines personally at the moment, sorry I thought I had covered that in a previous blog. Meera - couldn't agree more with you, spot on. Trinity - your comment has inspired me, so big thank you. Keep living your truth, great to be sharing the planet with you. Eve - a philosopher called Peter Singer, he wrote a classic text called Animal Liberation and coined the terms speciesism and speciesist, suggesting that people in 200 years may look back in horror at how we treat animals now in much the same way we look back in horror at how racist white folk treated black people. I believe that speciesism will become the next racism and sexism. I know thats hard to believe now, but few white people in parts of the US would have believed that black people would be given certain rights a couple of hundred years ago, so it does involve taking an overview of history and projecting forwards.
comments ...
Putting it in others words, why this make you different to the fundamentalist views of per example Jehova Witnesses allowing their children/mothers dying because of refusing blood transfusions (very dangerous ideas). Think again Mark, you have to draw the line somewhere.
Sorry if any misunderstandings, wrong spellings/grammar and perhaps too straight forward writing, my first language is not English plus I'm not the most articulated kind of person. : )
Ana comments ...
Just to add, if your use your local hospital, dentist, they're going to give you any medicine, painkillers, local/general anesthetic, that probably has been used in animal testing. One of my child has been unfortunately hospitalised recently. Ana
E Nomine comments ...
I hope you are planning on providing organically certified products and adhering to the standards set by the ESDA? Also, securing the outspread of any farm born diseases, such as hoof and mouth and swine flu. But, all in all, I think it seems like a viably sound working business model. Screw the orders, I want in. If you are seeking investors then look no further.
Meera comments ...
Hey, Mark, I was just wondering how you make soap for washing? If you use it, it's gotta be biodegradable, thus asking.
Mark comments ...
Ana - if you want to keep on using drugs then that is up to you. I really hope your child is better and it is nothing serious. What I would keep in mind though is that the medical system you adhere too relies on industrialisation to exist, and it is industrialisation which is soon going to make this planet inhabitable for humans, one of which may be your child or at least your child's future child. Which isn't in the best interests of your child, the planet or the animal it was tested on. It is also made up of corporations who want to make as much money as possible, hence they depend on people being ill to survive, so it is not in the medical industries interest for the population to be healthy - they'd go out of business. Its a fundamental point people need to be aware of.
Meera - I don't personally use soap as it is designed to take oil from your skin (hence the companies who sell soap also sell moisturisers in a beautiful 2 sales for the price of 1 from their perspective) and is completely unnecessary I've found. But the most ecological, and gentle on your body, way of washing is by using soapwort, in my opinion, a plant you kind find wild. Check it out.
Ana comments ...
I think that it's not up to us, there are so many thing are beyond our control. And thanks for your concern my son is ok now, he broke his arm badly and needed strong painkillers and general anesthetic. I'm really greatful to the medical staff, that do amazing jobs. We should be supporting the NHS. Until now me or my family hasn't need a lot medication. More or less I do agree with the rest you say.
Mark comments ...
Ana - I am really glad to hear your son is fine but really sorry to hear he has had such a bad accident. And I really hope you are OK too, it must have been hard time. Just want to clarify a few things - drugs aren't dependent on testing on another species to come into existence, in fact it is hampered by testing on a species whose physiological make-up is much different to humans - many die every year from drugs before the corporations withdraw them from the market. 3.7m animals were tested on last year, up 14 %. But they are dependent on industrialisation. I agree that the medical staff in the NHS are great people, I just don't that agree that their methods are for the good of anything long-term. Their intention is positive, but the consequences of their actions I believe are negative for the earth, for animals and for us in the longer term.
Lyssa M comments ...
With regards the anesthetic... Ages ago I watched a program... it was actually about how difficult it is to get dentist treatment on the NHS... and there was one man that had a condition and the treatment was painful but also very expensive but he got it free by being a guinea pig in a new trial... and they brought in a hypnotist and he had his treatment done with NO anesthetic and couldn't feel a thing... it should have been agony for him... so there ARE alternatives but not sure how intensive it could be... e.g having an epidural, I'm told, is actually very painful and my sister-in-law was hypnotised to have it done before her C-section but I'm not sure hypnotherapy could be used for the C-section it-self, if that makes sense
Meera comments ...
Oh, Mark, thanks for that, I'll check it out surely, but actually, I was talking about washing clothes!
Lyssa M comments ...
Me too... I'd like to know how you make the soap to wash your clothes.... Must be much better to your skin that chemical filled washing powder.
Russ comments ...
Bush Dubya, Hitler, Eichmann and their ilk would probably find your satire(?) hilarious. So I was surprised that you, as a founding member, wrote this nauseating piece on this particular platform, where I thought mostly reasonable and normal people congregate.
Mark, I wonder if you are perhaps one of those unfortunate farmers that were kicked out from South Africa and Rhodesia, and whose bitterness is now so unbearable that it needs to be ventilated. If that's the case, why don't you emit your sickening effusions on some platform where they would be appreciated. I'm sure there are plenty of neonazi sites on the internet you could try.
Mark comments ...
Russ - no I am from Ireland. I accept it is not pleasant reading but the only sickening thing is that this is the reality for billions of cows every year - thats my point. I am confused why you think that I am the neonazi here - what I am trying to highlight through this piece is that like Isaac Bashevis Singer, the Noble Laureate once said, "to animals all humans are nazis, and every day an eternal treblinka. If you find it nauseating I'd suggest that instead of havfing a pop at me for highlighting the situation, you make steps towards reducing your complicity in it, if you are complicit at all. I accept your criticism, I do agree it is not a pleasant read, but its only not pleasant because it is true for billions of animals who no more deserve to be treated that way than humans. I see absolutely no rationale in your outrage, I am sorry if the truth hurts.
Sally comments ...
Hey Mark,
As far as I'm concerned, satire is designed to be controversial, provoke a reaction and make people think. You've definitely achieved that! Perhaps you should consider publishing your 'business plan'? Jonathan Swift's 'A Modest Proposal' (1729) was such a potent piece of writing that it is still studied in schools and universities across the country. What a way to reach an audience...
I do believe you (and Singer) might be right about speciesism - we have a tendency to assume that the way things are now are how they should/must/need to be forever, instead of seeing the future as the developing consciousness of our society. We're very able to look back into history and criticise (with racism for example), but people are much less willing to look critically at their own lives and think how much more 'enlightened' we could become in the years and centuries ahead.
If you want to move that process along, you will always meet resistance, so be encouraged that people aren't just sitting back accepting your arguments - that would be a sign you're only preaching to the converted!
ladybug comments ...
Mark you are just the kind of extreme role model I am looking for. It used to be Mahatma Gandhi. Whatever changes I make there will always be more waiting to be got used to. It's really good to know I'm not alone in all this, so heart-felt thanks again.
